How to Answer 5 Common Questions About Tween Friendships
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How to Answer 5 Common Questions About Tween Friendships
Healthy friendships can have an incredibly positive effect on kids of all ages, especially tweens. In fact, girls who feel a sense of belonging at school are 7 times more likely to report feeling confident!
Just like adults, kids bond over favorite movies and baseball teams, crack up at inside jokes, and share their feelings with their friends. They discuss everything from clothes and crushes to science quizzes and school plays. Having friends can boost self-esteem, improve communication skills, and offer tweens a valuable source of advice and community.
Rebel Girls’ Growing Up Powerful is a book series dedicated to helping kids navigate this messy period of a child’s life. The most recent book in the series is Growing Up Powerful: All Things Friendship. In it, authors (and real-life best friends) Sara Jin Li and Camila Rivera dive deep to offer kids (and their parents!) advice for making friends, strengthening long-standing relationships, managing complicated group dynamics, and even handling the overwhelming feelings when a friendship breaks down.
Below are author Sara Jin Li’s answers to some of kids’ most common friendship questions. Share Sara’s insights with your child–or let her observations be your guide as you help your daughter navigate the wild world of adolescent friendships.
Q: What makes a good friend?
Sara Jin Li: I always think having a good friend is like putting on a good coat and thinking to yourself, “Oh! This is so beautiful, and it’s keeping me so warm. I’m going to cherish it.” Meaning, good friends will make you feel good. They come in all shapes and sizes—some tall, some small, you get the idea—but at the end of the day, a good friend is someone who will brighten your life.
Q: How do I make sure new friends will like me?
Sara Jin Li: Oof. This is cliché, but true: you have to be yourself. Yes, you can pretend to be someone else—maybe the type of person you think they’ll like—but you don’t want to go through your whole life being someone else. Be vulnerable with new friends and stay true to yourself, and you’ll attract the people who are meant for you. Promise.
Stay true to yourself, and you’ll attract the people who are meant for you.
Q: How can I support a friend going through a hard time?
Sara Jin Li: By asking them what they need. We’re not mind readers, but a simple question like “How can I help?” can go a long way. Life is hard, which is why it’s so important to have friends who will actively care about you. Maybe they just need you to sit next to them and listen. Maybe they need a laugh. All this to say, the best approach is to ask your friend how you can support them.
Q: What if someone doesn’t want to be my friend any more?
Sara Jin Li: Ouch. Friend breakups are brutal (that’s why we have an entire chapter on it). At the end of the day, there’s nothing you can do to change someone’s mind. You just have to let them go . . . which is easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Mourn the friendship, appreciate the good times, and know that time heals all wounds.
Mourn the friendship, appreciate the good times, and know that time heals all wounds.
Q: How do I know which friends I can trust?
Sara Jin Li: It’s a combination of gut feeling and looking at what kind of friend they are. Do they listen to you? Do they keep your secrets? Do you like their advice? Are they kind and loving to you? A trustworthy friend is someone you feel comfortable confiding in, through all the silly and serious stuff.
Give her the tools she needs to navigate all things friendship — from making new friends to nurturing old ones — with the book Growing Up Powerful: All Things Friendship.